Cllr Boone announces PLAN to SAVE the Red Lion Cellar
* Last update: Mon 23nd Oct 2023 by guest author
After a week in which rising waters once again threatened our town, Cllr Boone, in a manner akin to near-namesake and '80s TV hero 'Boon' (theme: “hi-ho Silver!”), apparently came riding to the rescue!
Seen lurking by Town Bridge, bravely taking photographs, he returned to Salt (CWAC division) HQ, presumably to mull things over.
In the time it took to amend his pre-election pledge from “Get the Flashes be dredged to increase its use”1) to “if the flashed were to be regularly dredge, surely that extra capacity would help reduce the risk of flooding and also give more time to Northwich to get their flood defences up.”, he brilliantly devised a plan which, in splendid denial of the laws of physics, promised to ensure the protection of the cellar at the Red Lion for evermore.
A Salt representative may or may not have explained that the “River Weaver Surface Level Suppression Project”, or “Plan Canute” as we are calling it, involves increasing the depth of Bottom Flash so that it can hold more water.
The truly ingenious part is that this slightly bigger hole will not immediately fill up with water from the river Weaver, as the less illuminated among us might imagine. Instead, the water level will be suppressed by a combination of alchemy and wizardry, leaving space available to be filled in the event of unduly wet weather.
A back-up system will pump water already downstream back into the Flash, should the system's operator be asleep during the crucial hours of inundation, however Cllr Boone would not comment on the costs involved.
When questioned by a sceptical bystander as to why simply fitting a valve to the drain pipe that leads from the cellar floor wouldn't suffice, the spokesperson may have said “Well, that's why Cllr Boone is a qualified Engineer, and you're not”.
